It establishes a somewhat comedic tone almost
immediately, when in the first scene a group of college friends gather around a
fire, and one tells the tale of a killer who perhaps was never caught, a killer
who could be out in the woods at that very moment “getting ready to sodomize
us.” But it is an evil motorcycle gang that shows up, looking for a virgin.
And though Tina (April Mai) looks like she hasn’t been a virgin in ages
(perhaps never was a virgin), she’s the one the leader chooses. They take her
along in a coffin which is attached to a trailer.
We then go to the wedding of Nick (Nick Forrest) and
Bobby Sue (Sarah Kobel Marquette), and the scene reminds me of The Rocky
Horror Picture Show, partly because of the music, partly because the
opening shot pans down from the tower to the small, kind of crummy church, and
partly because of Nick’s glasses. And uh-oh, it soon becomes clear that the
young couple hasn’t yet done the deed. And so the motorcycle gang shows up,
killing Nick and abducting Bobby Sue. But don’t worry, God happens by,
re-animates Nick and hands him a gun, telling him to go get his girl. So Nick
tucks in his intestines and begins his quest. The only problem is he has no
idea what he’s doing (and at one point it looks like Bobby Sue might be better
off against the gang on her own).
Obviously, this film is meant to be purely fun, with
over-the-top lines like “I’m thirstier than a child molester in hell”
and “Two on one, now that ain’t fair, unless you’re talking about sex”
and “For all I know, you spend your evenings raping bunnies in the woods”
and “I like to stick chess pieces up my butt.” There is some nudity, of
course, though Tina’s tattoos are off-putting. Is she really supposed to be a
virgin? Geez, Bobby Sue has a tattoo also. It’s never a good idea for an actor
to get a tattoo, but casting directors should really avoid using actors with
them to play virgins.
I could do without the fake flickering on the screen in a
pointless attempt to imitate the look of a scratched old film print. It’s
distracting. And it’s a shame they went with CG instead of practical effects at
times, like that odd close-up of a guy getting shot in the chest outside the bar.
It’s just a splatter shot over his shirt, which looks stupid. Why do that in
close-up? Plus, if you’re going for the look of old films, then that pretty
much eliminates the possibility of using CG, doesn’t it? You have to make a
choice, folks.
But there is some nice gruesome stuff involving a
bartender’s fingers. And I love the scene of the small bag of Nick being prayed
over by a less-than-enthusiastic, less-than-holy priest. And there are some
good lines, like the priest’s “Lord, I know I don’t ask for much, and
clearly you’ve obliged.” And of course, “Jesus saves, motherfucker!”
And hey, any satanic ritual that’s accompanied by a cool bass line and involves
a Village People record can’t be all wrong, can it?
Special Features
The DVD includes a commentary track by director Jeremy
Garner and the writer, who irritatingly goes by the name The Vocabulariast. But
he mentions that he modeled the first scene after a scene in Neon Maniacs
(a terrible movie that I happen to love, partly because my uncle is in it).
They also talk about shooting with a low budget, and how the dialogue is done
completely as ADR.
There are also two deleted scenes, both involving Bobby
Sue once she’s been brought to the bar, as well as the film’s trailer.
All Hell Breaks Loose was directed by J. Garner,
and was released on DVD on March 22, 2016 through Wild Eye Releasing.
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