1. The Oozing Skull
One of the opening credits
for The Oozing Skull reads, “Hemisphere Pictures,” leading the group to joke, “We’ve got half a mind
to make a movie.” A doctor in the film tells a man, “As soon as you are passed
away, your body will be flown to the United States.” The gang adds, “Coach.” The doctor describes a new tool by saying, “It
has permitted me to cut through the skull without damaging the brain.” The gang
adds, “What we do is go through the feet.” When a midget on screen says, “He won’t get far on foot,” the gang
responds, “But he’s using both feet.”
The joke about “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’” had me in tears, I was
laughing so hard. While they don’t have non-movie segments, they do pause the
movie a few times, once to do a joke about Al Hirt. As in Mystery Science
Theater 3000, there are plenty of pop culture references. In this episode, they
refer to The Benny Hill Show, M.A.S.H., THX-1138, West Side Story,
The Lovin’ Spoonful and David Bowie.
2. Doomsday Machine
The opening of this episode
acknowledges the lack of robots in the series. Then later there is a joke about
the MST3K robots. When we see the doomsday machine, someone comments: “A gumball machine head on a robot? I’m
sorry, that is lame.” Doomsday
Machine stars Casey Kasem, so yes, there are plenty of jokes about
countdowns and various songs. It’s a particularly bad film. An opening title
reads, “Executive Producer Oscar L. Nichols,” and Mary Jo Pehl points out, “That’s the only Oscar this movie gets.”
They stop the film a couple of times during this episode, and they make
references to Get Smart, The Jetsons, Star Wars and Planet Of The
Apes. “You’re ruining the apocalypse
for everyone.”
3. The Wasp Woman
In the brief introduction, they
give a bit of information on the film. And during the film’s opening credit
sequence, when Roger Corman’s name appears on screen, they say, “Hey, directed by Corman, so you know that
was three days well spent.” The cheap aspect of the film is fodder for
riffing throughout. When one character says, “Now I see how you built all this,” Mary Jo Pehl responds, “Three non-union stagehands and a case of
beer.” During a pointless driving
scene, Mary Jo Pehl says, “Maybe they
could drop us off near a better film.” Yes, Mary Jo seems to have most of
the best lines in this one. There are references to Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Star
Trek and The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
They stop the film twice.
4. Legacy Of Blood
As with The Wasp Woman, a bit of information on the film is given at the
beginning. When a character begins his speech with the word “Dead,” the group quips, “I would have gone with ‘Hello.’” As a
recording of the will is played, we hear the deceased say, “Greetings from beyond the grave.” The
gang adds, “Wish you were here.” And
when we see a low angle shot from the coffin, they joke, “Furthermore, I want the camera man buried with me.” Over an
exterior shot of a house, they riff, “The
house that plot forgot.” When one character says, “Igor and I have placed the bodies in the garage,” the gang adds, “And modified them for street racing.”
One of my favorite lines from the gang is “She’s
wearing her day-for-nightgown.” When a human head is discovered, Mary Jo
Pehl says, “Let’s go put this in a
horse’s bed,” a reference to The
Godfather. There are also references to Annie
Hall, Chinatown, Meat Loaf and
Frank Zappa.
5. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
During the introduction, the
gang does make reference to the fact that Mystery
Science Theater 3000 already tackled this movie. Joel says, “Some of us have seen this movie before.”
And Trace runs off when he is told the movie’s title. When a reporter says
about Santa, “I’m sure he’d like to say a few words to you kids,” the gang
adds, “Despite the court order.” As
we see two elves working, the gang quips, “Do
you really think Santa can find enough elves in India to do this job?” And
when a Martian says, “Desperate problems
require desperate deeds,” they respond, “Like the Patriot Act.” I also appreciate their rip on Ann Coulter.
They stop the movie just once. There are references to Star Wars, Star Trek, Lost In Space, Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life, Diff’rent Strokes, Steve Miller and Bob Dylan. And, hey, “Why would the real Santa travel with a fake
beard?”
6. Frankenstein’s Castle Of Freaks
The opening scene features some
sort of cavemen fight, leading the gang to joke, “Rock beats skull every time.” A credit for “Boris Lugosi” leads
them to ask, “They couldn’t get Bela
Karloff?” After a character stumbles through a line, the gang says, “Ten more minutes with that script and I
would have had this scene down.” When Frankenstein tells a midget “You have to leave,” the gang quips, “We’re upsizing.” And when Frankenstein
says “I brought a human being back to life,”
the guys add, “Like Tarantino did with
John Travolta.” They also offer this observation: “You never see a hunchback in a management position.” They stop the
film just once. There are references to Gilligan’s
Island, Monty Python’s Flying Circus,
The Hills Have Eyes and Return Of The Jedi. There is also a
reference to Mystery Science Theater 3000.
7. Blood Of The Vampires
When a guy on screen says “You know you almost took my breath away,”
the gang adds, “When you held that pillow
over my face.” The movie was dubbed into English, and the gang has a lot of
fun with that aspect of it, joking “Don’t
mind my voice and lips acting independently.” Also, there are characters in
black face, which the gang can’t help but make fun of: “I’ve got to be careful not to sweat off my ethnicity.” When a
female character says “We have to face
certain things,” the gang adds, “Ridiculous,
B movie things.” As one character whips his undead wife, the gang quips, “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeSade.”
The guys also joke, “I may be undead, but
I’ve never felt more unalive.” When a vampire pushes a woman against a
tree, the gang jokes, “Ouch, the bark is
worse than his bite.” This is a particularly good episode, with references
to Star Wars, Fight Club, The Warriors,
Citizen Kane, Seinfeld, and Sanford And Son.
They stop the film once to drink.
8. East Meets Watts
This is the first of the Cinematic Titanic Live episodes. Joel
Hodgson gives a brief introduction about Mystery
Science Theater 3000, and introduces the other four riffers, who arrange
themselves in a similar configuration as on the other episodes. Now they’re not
just silhouettes, but are lit, and we can see their notes at times. It appears
that they’re facing the audience, but that is just some movie magic happening.
Of course, as it’s a live performance, we can hear the audience laughing. And
yes, the cast members stumble over a few lines, but this is still one of the best episodes.
As a Chinese fighter wanders the streets of San Francisco, the gang jokes, “You know he’s out of his element when
Chinatown seems foreign too him.” When a character exclaims “Right on,” the gang explains, “That’s seventies for ‘I encourage such
behavior.’” East Meets Watts is a
terrible film, and so of course ends up being one of the funniest episodes. At
one point, two characters jump onto the back of a truck, then jump off it, only
to frolic in the woods for a while before jumping onto the back of another
truck. That leads the gang to joke, “Okay,
this is our big chance to do a scene-by-scene recreation of the previous twenty
minutes of this film.” They add, “The
cutting room floor must have been clean as a whistle.” And I was once again in tears, I
was laughing so hard during the mute girl stuff. When one character says “You
know the penalty for acting without instructions,” the gang responds, “I think everyone in this movie is acting
without instructions.” That line gets applause from the audience. There are
references to Neil Diamond, Journey and The Monkees. By the way, they do not
stop the film during the live episodes.
9. The Alien Factor
The Alien Factor gets so much so wrong. As the gang points out at
the beginning, “Has there ever in history
been a two-door cop car?” Mary Jo Pehl adds, “That police car has a definite my-brother’s-going-to-kill-me-if-we-don’t-have-it-back-by-six
quality to it.” As another car pulls up, she quips, “I’m surprised they didn’t write ‘Ambulance’ on the side with a Sharpie.”
There’s a really funny bit when suddenly the movie switches to three children
playing with a ball in slow motion. When the cops come to the conclusion that a
bear couldn’t be the killer, the gang jokes, “Well, it saves me having to go undercover in a bear suit.” When a
large car pulls into the shot, they joke: “That’s
no moon. That’s a space station wagon.” There are also references to Animal House, The Dukes Of Hazzard and Happy
Days.
10. Danger On Tiki Island
Ah, the title of this movie has
a different meaning after the recent Trump Nazis’ use of Tiki torches. Can you
imagine an entire island of those bastards? During the opening titles, the gang
quips, “Independent-International:
protecting you from quality movies since before cable.” When a girl on
screen says “I’ve never seen so many sad
faces,” the gang responds, “Can she
see the audience?” And when she says “It’s
so peaceful here,” the guys add, “Especially
during my long, awkward pauses.” They often poke fun at the acting ability
(or inability) of the cast. When a girl says “You couldn’t possibly believe that, could you,” they answer, “Not based on that read, no.” And later
they joke: “I really thought I was going
to die. Is that what acting feels like?” When a guy says he’s thinking of
setting a trap for the monster, the guys add, “I need a virgin, a piece of string and a cardboard box.” There are references
to Time Bandits, The Eyes Of Laura Mars, Flashdance,
Little Shop Of Horrors and Three’s Company. And there is a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reference
as well. When we see an old lantern, the gang says, “Hey, it’s the wild west Tom Servo.”
11. War Of The Insects
This time the introduction is
not done by Joel. This is another incredibly bad movie, and so an incredibly
funny episode. At the beginning, as two characters look up to see a plane
overhead, the gang jokes, “Maybe there’s
a better movie showing on that flight.” When once character asks “What the hell’s happening,” the gang
replies, “Nothing realistic.” It’s a
Japanese film, and at one point the guys ask, “Why is the American actor being dubbed?” A shot of two characters
sleeping leads the gang to comment, “Finally,
a scene the audience can relate to.” There are references to Popeye, The Love Boat, Neil Young, Air Supply, The Doors and The Strawberry
Alarm Clock. The gang also makes the same reference to Tom Servo they did while
watching Danger On Tiki Island.
12. Rattlers
Joel doesn’t do the
introductions for this episode either. The opening shot of the film shows a sun
over the desert, leading the guys to comment, “For your next vacation, escape to Tatooine.” During a shot in a
school corridor, the gang presents this announcement: “All teachers, please relinquish your collective bargaining rights to
the office” (that line gets a cheer from the audience, and would be
appreciated by my parents as well – if I could get them to watch this, that is).
When a cop tells a scientist, “Friday,
say about noon,” the gang responds, “Yeah,
let’s just ease into the murder investigation.” When a woman says, about
her mother, “And it seemed every night
she came home, she aged another year,” the gang explains, “Because she only came home once a year.”
Like the rest of the films the Cinematic Titanic gang ridicules, this one
features some less-than-stellar performances. When one woman says “Look, I guess I’m acting silly,” the guys
respond, “You are acting?” This
episode features references to The
Warriors, The Sixth Sense, M.A.S.H., Apocalypse Now, Dr. Who, Raiders Of The Lost Ark and Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life.
Special Features
The first disc includes A Look Back With J. Elvis Weinstein, an
interview with Weinstein, in which he talks about the origins of Cinematic Titanic, his working
relationships with the others of MST3K,
and about the live performances.
The sixth disc includes Between The Riffs, which features
interviews with all five cast members – Joel Hodgson, Mary Jo Pehl, Trace
Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein and Frank Conniff. They talk about the live
performances, about what makes a bad movie, and about each other. This feature
also includes interviews with some fans who attended the live performances.
Cinematic Titanic: The Complete Collection was released on August
8, 2017 through Shout! Factory.
