Book Review: How Not To Kill Yourself: A Survival Guide For Imaginative Pessimists

Way back in high school, for a Spanish class (if I remember correctly), we were given a list of adjectives and were told to circle the ones that applied to our own personalities. I circled both “optimistic” and “pessimistic” (or, “optimista” and “pesimista”), for I think over all I’m optimistic (I’m still here, after all), though on individual issues I can become quite pessimistic (throwing in a good deal of cynicism as well). Lately, however, it seems “pessimistic” is overcoming “optimistic,” stabbing it in the gut, choking it, smacking it across the face. When the hell is someone going to get rid of Donald Trump and his drooling gang of infantile racists? Every day things get worse, and it seems damn near impossible to avoid being affected by it. I know a lot of folks are down these days, and Set Sytes’ How Not To Kill Yourself: A Survival Guide For Imaginative Pessimists may be of help. The title certainly appeals to me (though I keep thinking it should be How To Not Kill Yourself, as How Not To Kill Yourself seems to imply there are better ways to kill yourself), with its humor and especially the Imaginative Pessimists description.

The book is for people suffering from depression, people who may be contemplating suicide, and it is decidedly not one of those books urging people to cheer up. Right away, Set Sytes tells us, “I’m not here to tell you that the world is actually fabulous, and you’ll just have to damn well learn to appreciate it” (p. 10). He concedes that there is “a lot of ugliness” in the world. You’ll know straight away if the book is for you, because in the early section titled “Who The Hell Are You,” he describes the potential reader, or at least certain characteristics of the potential reader: “You prefer dreams to real, waking life” (p. 14); “You are sensitive, and easily wound up by things/people. Especially when you spend a long time overthinking things” (p. 15); “You have a strong, and yet sometimes unusual, sense of humor” (p. 15). Sounds about right, eh? And though – because of the current fascist authoritarian nationalistic bent of a large number of citizens – my thoughts these days are more homicidal than suicidal, I feel this book can still be of help to me, and to those like me (you are out there, aren’t you?). After all, Set says (to us), “Knowing you’ll never take the plunge doesn’t make it any easier – in fact, that makes it worse” (p. 20). Set writes, “Perhaps you don’t kill yourself because you’re scared of what comes next” (p. 20). Ah yes, “The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn/No traveler returns, puzzles the will/And makes us rather bear those ills we have/Than fly to others that we know not of.” (Yeah, it’s impossible for me to think on this topic without thinking of Hamlet.) But check this out: “Sometimes our fear of life is our fear of death – our fear that our lives won’t be enough, that it’ll all end no matter what we do… Ironically, our fear of death causes us to delay and put off actually living our own lives” (p. 20).

Set Sytes approaches the topic with a sense of humor, and had me chuckling at times. About living each day as if it were our last, he writes, “Think of all those funeral arrangements to make every day!” (p. 20). The sense of humor should be apparent from the book’s title, and Sytes talks about the importance of a sense of humor. I like his take on positive thinking: “The universe doesn’t give a shit about your positive thinking. It won’t respond to it. You might be lucky or you might not be. The universe is just as likely to send a meteorite your way as it is to obey your every singing, Disney-like command” (p. 25). And, regarding certain folks on Facebook, Sytes writes, “You’re better than these people – but that’s kind of a positive feeling, so you don’t dwell on it, but push it away” (p. 37). This is spot-on: “But, somehow worse than all of that put together is the infinite stupidity of ordinary people, observed so clearly in all directions, as though the internet were a window to some Victorian freak show. Humanity seeming some sad carnival act that repeats itself over and over and over until the end of time and nobody learns anything, ever” (p. 38).

Sytes does provide some advice, of course. A lot of it you might have figured out on your own, but sometimes you need to hear it or read it from someone else, someone else who is struggling and suffering. For example, he urges people to be creative. “When you have ended a day with something to show for it, however small, however silly, you will feel quite a bit less shit than if you didn’t” (p. 61). And he advises folks to take walks, even at night (which I’ve always preferred). These days, I mostly turn to music, and Set Sytes talks about which music works best for him. Interestingly, he also recommends watching horror films. And he offers this advice: “Don’t put your sights on the seemingly unattainable and think ah fuck it, I’ll never manage that. Just make a few tiny changes, starting with the easiest. It’s the same with exercise and anything else in your life that you feel you should change but it’s all just too BIG to start” (p. 68). And he reminds us, “Asking for help isn’t weak” (p. 73). This is something I need to keep in mind: “Oh, and try to avoid spending too much time being a digital masochist and engaging with hateful, obnoxious, and grossly ignorant people online. You know neither side will ever convince the other” (p. 80).

Not all of this book is quite right for me. I have never really planned out a suicide, nor do I often imagine my own death. I did, however, spend ten minutes yesterday imagining the death of Donald Trump, but it didn’t cheer me up as much as I thought it would. Anyway, like anything, you can use the parts that apply to you and not worry about the rest. I do have to point out one thing, because it drives me crazy. Set Sytes uses the word “comprise” incorrectly. He writes, “I’d hazard the world is comprised of about 99% boring, lifeless, drab, meaningless, empty whatever” (p. 11). He should, of course, use the word “composed” in place of “comprised.” It’s a common mistake, but one that shouldn’t appear in published books.

How Not To Kill Yourself: A Survival Guide For Imaginative Pessimists was published on March 13, 2018 through Microcosm Publishing.