Disc One: Cave Dwellers
Yes, some of the worst movies make some of the best
episodes. Cave Dwellers, a Joel episode from 1991, is a perfect example.
The opening title sequence is presented in some weird, slightly out-of-focus
manner, so when the director’s name appears – David Hills – Tom Servo says, “The
Hills Have Eyes, but they have glaucoma right now.” Later, during a break,
the gang creates its own opening title sequence, which is hilarious. At one
point there is suddenly an odd wide shot, and a character says, “Come over
here, my dear.” Crow adds, “Where the camera moved to.” The man
speaks very slowly, which of course the gang pokes fun at, at one point saying
“This has more pauses than a Pinter play.” And there is a whole lot of
backstory, delivered as narration, leading Crow to quip, “Geez, Tolkien
couldn’t follow this plot.” After a while, Joel asks, “Are we still in a
flashback?” When that man tells his daughter, “When you seem to have
reached the ends of the earth,” Crow interjects, “Ask for Earl.”
There are hand rails in the stairway of the castle, and of course they make fun
of them each time they’re shown. At one point Ator says, “We must act
quickly,” but then continues to stand there, leading the guys to joke: “But
not right now. In a minute or two. Half an hour, maybe.” Then when Ator
says, “We’ll take them back to the village and I’ll speak with their people,”
Joel asks, “The Village People?” There are also references to Batman,
The Gong Show, Marshall Crenshaw, The Rolling Stones, Heart, The
Warriors, This Is Spinal Tap and Macbeth.
As a bonus, this disc includes the introduction and
breaks to the Mystery Science Theater Hour version from 1993.
Disc Two: Pod People
Pod People is also a Joel episode from 1991, and
oddly the opening credit sequence is similar to that of Cave Dwellers.
When a shot of three men in the woods cuts to a shot of outer space, Tom Servo
says, “Meanwhile, a few miles away.” This movie has scenes with a lot of
fog, leading the gang to remark, “Even the movie The Fog didn’t have
this much fog.” One guy in the woods says, “Now we can kill us some game
in peace and quiet.” Tom Servo rightly responds, “Do you realize what
you just said?” Later, a grumpy older guys says: “There’s been a rock
fall. The road’s blocked. The phone lines are probably down too.” Joel
nervously exclaims, “There’s no way out of this film!” During one of the
breaks, the gang records its own version of a terrible song from the movie.
During another break, they poke fun at new age music. My favorite bits,
however, are when the gang adds a voice to the alien the little boy is keeping
as a pet. For example, in one scene, the boy says, “Sooner or later, Mommy’s
going to notice all this food disappearing.” The gang has the alien
respond, “Then you’ll have to kill her.” The boy begins putting food
away, saying, “These we’ll put away for later.” The gang says: “No.
More.” The boy continues, “Now we can play.” The gang has the alien
say: “Like hell. More food.” This episode contains references to Randy
Newman, Bob Dylan, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Star Trek, The
Monkees, WKRP In Cincinnati, Fawlty Towers, The Brady
Bunch, The Empire Strikes Back, Straw Dogs and Psycho.
And the little boy has a Red Sox pennant and a Bruins pennant on his bedroom
wall.
As a bonus, this disc includes the introductions and
ending to the Mystery Science Theater Hour version from 1993.
Disc Three: Angels Revenge
This is a Mike Nelson episode from 1994. And hurrah,
there is a Red Sox reference right at the beginning. Both Alan Hale and Jim
Backus are in the movie, leading to several Gilligan’s Island
references. When the girls arrive in a black van, the gang jokes, “It’s the
T&A-Team.” When one character says, about his guard dog, “But if I
lost control of him for one instant, he’d tear my throat out,” the gang
adds, “But he’s great with kids.” After the girls blow up some drug
processing plant and are giggling with glee about their success, Mike comments,
“The war on drugs was never sexier.” Noticing some similarities to the Charlie’s
Angels television show, the gang begins humming that series’ theme music.
When a school girl clings to the back of a car, Crow says, “If he drops her
on that part of the road, it’s a five hundred dollar fine.” When the girl
finally falls off, Mike says, “You see, this is why getting a bus pass is a
good idea.” During a break, Aaron Spelling’s mansion passes the Satellite
of Love, leading Gypsy to say, “I feel so insignificant.” During the
closing credits to the movie, the gang riffs on the 1970s. And at the very end
Mike says, “Hey, where was Bruce Jenner in this movie?” On screen is a
photo of the seven girls, and Crow answers, “He’s the one on the left.”
How is that for a bit of prognosticating?
This disc contains no bonus features.
Disc Four: Shorts Vol. 1
Shorts Vol. 1 is something I used to own on
videocassette, and watched many times. Actually, I think I still have it. This
is not a full episode of the series, but rather segments from several different
episodes. In addition to full-length movies, sometimes the gang on the
Satellite of Love was subjected to old short films. This DVD collects seven of
them, including two of my personal favorites. This collection is hosted by Tom
Servo, who in his introduction calls it a tape, because it was originally a
videocassette.
The first short is “The Home Economics Story.” One of the
opening credits says, “This is an Iowa State College Production,”
leading Joel to remark, “Iowa State College – the high school after high
school.” And when the narrator says, “It wasn’t hard for Alice to return
to reality,” Tom Servo quips, “She just went cold turkey.” Then in
“Junior Rodeo Daredevils,” the narrator (because there always must be a
narrator) says, “Jim Rand, champion calf roper of senior high,” and Crow
adds, “And next year’s janitor.” “Body Care And Grooming” was always one
of my favorites. It’s a short film that stresses the importance of a good
appearance. The narrator begins, “Ah, spring.” Crow adds, “Filthy,
shameful spring.” The narrator picks on one girl’s appearance, saying, “You
don’t seem to be exactly the type to make this guy behave like a human being.”
The gang says, “You know, to make him grope you and paw at you.” The
narrator stops and says, “Let’s start all over again.” The gang says, “And
find new ways to shame her.” Crow adds, “Expressing individualism is
just plain wrong.” And at the end Crow says, “And remember, when you
touch yourself, the saints cry.” In “Cheating,” the narrator says, “And
right there in front of you sat your pal Mary, with her head chock full of all
the answers you needed.” Crow urges, “Split it open now.” My other
favorite is “A Date With Your Family,” the title of which leads the gang to
say, “Hey, I like my family as a friend.” When the narrator says, “Brother
seats Junior, then helps Mother to her chair as he would his best girl,”
Mike comments, “The less said about this, the better.” Crow jokes, “Emotions
are for ethnic people,” and Tom Servo adds, “I can’t stress
‘unemotional’ enough.” When the narrator says, “Father serves mother
first, then daughter,” Mike jokes, “Let’s go to the flowchart for this.”
This disc is rounded out with “Why Study Industrial Arts” and “The Chicken Of
Tomorrow.”
This disc contains no bonus features.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume Two is
scheduled to be released on May 24, 2016 through Shout! Factory.
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